There are so many ways to tell a woman that you find her attractive aren't there? One of them seems to be to write to an agony aunt like myself about having a small penis. Yes indeed, it turns out that the guy who I called Gordon now claims that he was just having a laugh when he wrote to me. I'm not so sure...
Yesterday he wrote:
Hi, I was curious as why you picked the name Gordon? It’s OK I can live with that! Unlike my puny penis. Your post was quite funny by the way but I’m not coming to you for advice again!! I know that may hurt you somewhat but I feel you should be more considerate. PS my penis is 4.4 inches! I measured it wrong owing to the fact it is banana shaped!
Hi Emma, or can I call you Lucinda? I love that name! If you’d given me good advice on the puny penis problem I was going to bring another problem to your table! How, as a short man [approx 4ft 8] do I make myself more attractive to women? But in hindsight I think I’d be scarred for life with your response! You’d probably tell me to join a circus where I’d meet equally sized challenged ladies?
Hi Emma, the other emails before were a piss take! The reason? My best buddy died recently[cancer] and he wanted me when he was gone to take the piss out of the materialistic society in which we live! I didn't realize at first but your site is a piss take! He (Aron) would be laughing his head off right now! especially at your blog entry which was very funny.
I replied: I'm afraid you've lost me...how is writing an email about having a small penis taking the piss out of our materialistic society?
I reckon your penis is small or you wouldn't have written thanks for nothing!
The penis is the ultimate symbol of the male ego! If you look back at history it always has been! the obelisk type of building is a representation of that! The materialistic attitude and male ego are the same thing.
Er, right. How big is your penis then really? By the way how old are you?
Hi Emma, I suppose you would not belive me if i told you id never measured my little fella? OK I have but I've always been drunk when the moment of truth came! it was 6 sumthin or other i think lol! im 26 years of age! im studying biomedical science at uni so i may be a doctor one day?! i want to be a penis doctor so i can help all the poor fuckers uv scarred 4 life! only jokin Ur lovely really?
Hmm.... I think the lady doth protest too much about it being six sumthin or other. What say you?
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18 comments:
I would comment but I'm earworming an old song thanks to those emails.
*hums Gordon is a moron*
Good grief, even my penis is bigger than his.
There's no way of telling the size of a man's penis from his e-mails. It's a puzzle that would baffle the finest minds. But beginning each paragraph with "Hi Emma" suggests he has a problem with his short-term memory.
He's "studying biomedical science"? That's worrying given the total lack of cohesive logic in his emails.
his penis size, like his emails, are getting bigger and bigger each time round. Next time he comments, it will be 7 inches. Maybe you should have called him Pinocchio.
the lie-enhancer penis extender. When you lie, it grows and grows. Hmm. Now if all men had one of those, they'd be unable to walk...
that was a very sexist comment Mermaid. Self-censorship please! not all men are liars....
some men really are 12 inches.
tall.
and made of wood....
He wrote this?
"im studying biomedical science at uni so i may be a doctor one day?! i want to be a penis doctor so i can help all the poor fuckers uv scarred 4 life! only jokin Ur lovely really?"
Good luck with that medical degree, mate! I'm sure you'll go far with your quaint spelling and habit of replacing words with numbers.
Geeze. PLEASE tell me they're got going to give a degree to this guy. What are the entrance requirements for his course? Not shitting on the floor?
the man sounds insecure...what a jerk.
Ahem...Your cock is covering my country...
Of course his penis is only 4.4" - he writes like he's 7 years old !
angela-la-la....I don't know why but I feel there's something quite sweet about him. He's a knob but a nice knob??? if that makes any sense.
suzy....I just find it bizarre that he wrote a letter about having a small penis then decided that hang on actually he didn't he was just making a joke about materialism. bonkers
gorilla bananas.....It's times like these we need all computers to be fitted with X-ray goggles so we can see what we are dealing with.
steve....I do so hope he doesn't become an NHS doc because he may be one of those chaps that removes the wrong leg and gets in trouble.
mermaid of moorgate...the lie-enhancer penis extender...what a brilliant idea. I'm going to patent it.
roland hulme....maybe his biomedical degree is another figment of his imagination?? One can only hope.
mars.....I don't know if I'd call him a jerk - more a person who lives in cloud cuckoo land.
xbox4nappyrash....I will ask him to remove his cock from your country pronto although I have no real idea what you are on about ;)
pronto.....I don't know why but I find him endearing in a funny way! I suppose because he is such a kid.
Oh bless... your(as opposed to wee Gorgon's) cock (image) is covering Ireland...
;0)
Good evening...I think Gordon is pulling your leg, pardon the bad pun, in his little missive here. Any good "biomedical science at uni" student wouldn't use his slang so badly...:)
Glad to know you're still up to your old tricks, Em.. and of course he's pretending it was all a joke. What's his option? To admit that making love to him is like making love to a ricey stir fry?
A small penis, like many other male deficiencies, can be compensated for by becoming very rich. One can always send out a clear message of, 'I have a wee willy but that's OK because I'm minted', by buying a fast red sports car. This does, however, seem unfair to those, 'gentlemen-who-don't-have-to-stand-quite-so-close-to-the-urinals-as-the-rest-of-us'. who also happen to be wealthy car lovers.
I agree with steve and roland hulme. What is this guy on? I mean, really?!?!
Many a man has fallen prey to the temptation of 'bigging himself up' ;-) x
xbox4nappyrash....your cock is covering Ireland
Yes I get it now. It is just on your profile it says you are in the Netherlands so I got confused.
RONJAZZ... I think maybe writing these little missives to ladies of a certain age (like me) is the way Gordon pulls himself off ;)
Redsy...
Glad to know you're still up to your old tricks, Em
Indeed, Gordon is just one of many of my 'fans'. I have always had an irresistable allure to young men of very few braincells!!
Tickersoidsaid... Is a good indicator of a man with a large penis someone who drives one of those tiny Smart cars? Kind of inverse to the small wienered guy who drives a red Ferrari?
Girl Vino...
What is this guy on?
Either helium or laughing gas is my guess.
Kitty said...
Many a man has fallen prey to the temptation of 'bigging himself up'
indeed, and what could be easier than bragging about his huge bratwurst than over the internet?
Driving a smart car only indicates, you live in Chelsea. Nothing to do with dick size.
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